Today:

8:30 am: Got Owen on the bus
10:00 am: Hosted crafting playdate
12:50 pm: Dental appointment
2:00 pm: Came home and dropped Liv off with Christopher
3:00-5:30 pm: Shopped for 1) Toys for Tots 2) Volunteer Christmas party & family 3) Owen's special ed classroom 4) groceries 5) McDonald's gift cards
5:30 pm: Put away groceries
6:00 pm: Fed kids
7:00 pm: Made fleece lap blanket for Christmas gift
8:30 pm: Put kids in bed
9:30 pm: Filled out Christmas cards with gift cards
10:30 pm: Made cheesy potatoes for Christopher's carry-in

Thanks to amberlynne for the lovely snowflake!

I am healing pretty well, it seems. The only thing really bothering me is the fact that I have two drainage tubes connected to collection bulbs stitched to me and pinned to my vest.

My incisions do not bother me at all--they cut around the areola and down underneath the breast. They are still sort of numb (due, I'm sure to loss of nerves). But they do not bother me at all. I feel like once they heal and the tissue settles into its new shape, I'll be super-happy with them.

I feel 10lbs lighter and I am already starting to love my new profile!

But these tubes have to fucking go. I hate them. They're hurting tonight--which woke me up. My appointment today should see their removal, since my drainage is slowing quickly.

I've been unhappy with the size of my breasts since 1998. I hit DD before I even had kids and it went steadily downhill (upcup) since then.

Add a herniated disc and hauling two kids around and the result was increasing back pain, neck and shoulder issues as well.

I consulted a surgeon back in Ohio but our insurance then wouldn't cover the procedure. When I spoke to my new GP here, she made a referral and I talked to a plastic surgeon. After the application process, I discovered that the procedure was covered.

BUT Christopher's employer was changing insurance companies at the start of the new year. Which meant I had to make a decision and schedule surgery right away.

I did it. Surgery was yesterday and I am sitting here in a compression vest with drainage tubes hanging out of me.

It is by no means a simple or pain free procedure. But I hope it will mean less pain for me in the future. I come from a long line of big-breasted women.

I used to suffer through yoga class--inversions were nightmare of recycled cleavage air and the inability to do some poses due to the extreme size of my breasts.

I'm hoping to avoid any surgery complications like a bleed or infection. And I can't wait until I get these damned tubes out!

I know I shouldn't worry about the future so much with Owen. But after Christopher told me that some of his classmates, when asked if they liked Owen said, "Yeah, but he's kinda weird," I'd be lying if I didn't admit to having a few pangs.

He's so wonderful and so amazing. He's a beautiful child and is creative, thoughtful and really a joy. He's oblivious to the differences between him and his typical peers right now so I need to simply enjoy that time while we have it. He's eventually going to realize that he's different.

The biggest reason we held this Halloween party was to start establishing relationships with his classmates and their parents. I want them to know us--our home, our family and for them to feel comfortable socializing with us. It went remarkably well. The kids had a lot of fun and their parents seemed grateful to us.

I keep figuring if Owen can solidify, if not friendships, then at least understanding with his peers, it will make his adolescence easier. He's so far ahead of them in some ways. He reads at a second grade level and he's doing simple math. He reads maps. He's writing stories and creating graphs. But he still repeats simple introductions and speaks in a sing-songy voice.

I KNOW he's going to be ok, no matter what. We love him and cherish him and he has a strong, supportive network at school. I volunteer in the class and his teachers and the office staff know me and him. I don't know what the future holds for him--no parent knows that, for sure.

But I want so badly for him to be happy and to NOT have to go through humiliations or heartbreaks from kids (or adults) who don't appreciate him for who he is.

Why can I name, in order, every monarch of England but can't name all the US Presidents?

There have been 41 kings and queens of England (42) if you don't count William & Mary as one reign.

There are have been 44 US Presidents. Well, 43, since Grover Cleveland was elected for two non-consecutive terms.

I can also name which monarchs were deposed, what royal house they belonged to and the major civil wars during their reigns. But I can't name more than a few vice-presidents.

I think I may actually be English.

I finished Eclipse and have all but devoured the first half of Breaking Dawn. I don't know why I'm going through that one so quickly.

It reads like Fanfic.

Well-written fanfic...but definitely fic. *sigh*

The series definitely peaked with Eclipse.

Even though I'm this close to finishing Eclipse, I need to get out my thoughts on New Moon.

Part of my problem with all of the books at this point is how hard Stephanie Meyer hits the cliches. But what's worse is how fucking hard I FALL for them.

Intellectually, I know I should find a seemingly perfect, overprotective, stalkerish boyfriend abhorrent. I'm not looking for a prince and yet, there Edward is, drawing me in. Nobody should have a boyfriend who is fighting the urge to murder them.

Emotionally, I am putty. Goo. Mush.

Whatever buttons Ms. Meyer has found she pushed them repeatedly like a lab rat looking for cocaine.

I recently told someone I was madly in love with as a teenager that I found happiness by finding a person who loves me more than they love themselves. He said he found the same thing (ignoring the fact that I considered myself that person at one time). However, I told him that men have it a lot easier because more women secretly hate themselves. He just laughed and said that was probably true. Bella is the epitome of the Inferior Girlfriend Complex. She can't believe she has this gorgeous, rich, powerful, artistic talented boy who is living just for her. He's content to WATCH HER SLEEP EVERY NIGHT, for pity's sake! She is obsessed with the inequality in their relationship and how little she compares to what he is.

That's why it's so easy for Edward to break it off with her--why she believes him for most of the book. Deep down she knew she wasn't good enough for him.

Of course it's the perfect setting for Bella to develop a fractured relationship with Jacob--before he, too, pulls away, leaving Bella hurt and deep into her death-wish physical pursuits.

After eight months, I would think that most girls would start to get angry. Anger is one of the steps of grieving and it usually helps to get mad at someone before you get over them. Bella never even gets to that step. She's mired in denial and could never progress emotionally enough to stand on her own and heal.

But of course that's the point. That she's incomplete without Edward. And in the end, he is also (hence his own suicide attempt).

I'm so ambivalent about these books. I love them. I hate them.

No, I don't hate them. I guess I hate the underlying symbols--this weird feeling that Bella is entering a cult, rather than the Cullen's clan. Even if it's a GOOD cult, it's still a cult. There will be strict rules and she'll have to break it off with everyone she knows for their own safety. And then they'll be dead and she'll be...what she thinks she wants to become.

She is frightened by the reality of vampires when faced with the Vulturi and the savageness beneath their smooth, civilized exterior. But it doesn't change a thing for her. Alice, Edward and the Cullens are still her saviors.

Which still leaves her a small, helpless, inferior thing. Something she can't seem to shake, no matter how much Edward professes to love and revere her.

Your results:
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You are a caring and loving individual. You understand people's emotions and you are able to comfort and counsel them.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz

I'm working on three column ideas:

One on parents using photo sharing sites, a personal examination of parenting over the last three generations and one on Good Cop/Bad Cop parenting.

So many ideas! Need to keep them straight and take better notes when I think of them.

If I can flesh out and finish all three, that leaves enough material to cover the summer months and I can concentrate on other writing.

I'm fully wrapped up in the dichotomies in the various plots of Twilight.

In my own mind they are glaring and annoying, and yet, I'm stuck over this whole internal conflict of asking why do I really find Edward attractive?

Besides being an Emo Hairloaf, he's a creepy stalker who climbs into Bella's room every night to watch her sleep and is always touching her face.

Aaarrrgggghhhhh! I'm so ambivalent!

We're considering buying a farm share in a Community Sponsored Agriculture program. It sounds really affordable for a weekly pick up of seasonal, organically grown vegetables.

I'm going to call the guy and see what's up.

http://www.localharvest.org/csa/M27588

I'm trying to dissect some of the major themes in Twilight to see why I like it, how it speaks to me and where it rubs me the wrong way.

Abstinence:

It's obviously a metaphor for abstinence. The Cullens abstain from drinking human blood, Edward abstains from killing Bella, everyone is pretty much tormented by desire on a daily basis. Bella and Edward have to balance their desire for each other with protecting Bella (which, to me, reeks of a paternal arrogance). We get it! THE SEX IS DANGEROUS!

Gruesome Twosomes:

It seems that everyone is meant to be with their True Wuv. Edward is the lonely seventh wheel in the Cullen Clan, where each person finds their decidedly Hetero, eternal mate. I love that the family is close and protective of each other--doing what they can to maintain their compassion for humans in spite of their lost humanity. Edward, a virgin when he was changed, hasn't found anyone he fancies in over 80 years until Bella comes along. I hate the fact that I find this charming. I am a sucker for this angsty, emo kind of love. There is something to be said for that first love and the feeling that it gives you. I think this is all well done in the book and the film. This is how teenagers really feel about the person they fall in love with. They are swept up in a tumultuous sea of hormones and everything pales next to the object of their affections. Do most girls melt when they think that their boyfriends' world revolves around them?

I have to admit that I was very much Bella when I was 17. I would have given anything to have found a sparkly, immortal killer over the asshole that I lost my virginity to. It's possible millions of others feel this way and that's why the book is such a big seller.

Aging:

The last chapter of Twilight and the first chapter of New Moon are obsessed with age. Bella seems driven crazy by the fact that she's going to be a dry husk of an old woman next to her sparkly, deathless boyfriend.

Confession: Robert Pattinson is bringing out some ugly cougarish tendencies of my own so I can totally understand Bella's pangs here.

But Edward is equally obsessed with living his lost teenage years vicariously to the fullest through Bella--thinking that just having a rich, gorgeous boyfriend with superpowers will be plenty for her. Newflash, Hairdo--it's not.

Equality:

James points out that Edward left Bella a weak human. That there is no equality in the relationship where Edward has all the power. Except for the power she has over Edward--her blood, which is like a drug to him. So Bella's topping from the bottom?

Family:

Bella comes from a broken home, even though she loves her parents, she may not completely respect them. She's a typical teenager in that she thinks she's smarter and knows more than her folks. And in this case, she probably does. But that may be part of what draws her to the Cullens, with Carlisle's ancient wisdom and extraordinary self control. Her need for a true mother figure is answered by the doting, maternal Esme.


The only way Edward and Bella can be together is if Edward never loses control. Bella has to try to exercise a certain amount of restraint on her part to not tempt him any further so they dance around the issues of physicality. How long before Bella resents this?

And this is my first round of thoughts. New Moon is supposed to be delivered tomorrow so I'm hoping I get a chance to read it over the weekend.

I had an interesting phone call with my father this evening. I've been doing some research for a column and he gave me some great material.

We chatted about his childhood and his mom.

Now I need to go back and watch Coal Miner's Daughter because I swear, that is how my dad grew up.

I'm considering reading Midnight Sun until my copy of New Moon arrives.

I lost it on Christopher a few minutes ago. When he got home, he and the kids planted some containers with flowers and vegetables.

He just told me that he was going up to take a bath. I said fine, and afterward, we'll put the kids in the bath.

I swear, he said, "But they just had a bath last night."

I pointed out that he just showered this morning, so why was he taking a bath???

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? He's been doing this for FIVE YEARS. EVERY TIME I say, "the kids need a bath" he responds by telling me they just had a bath last night.

KIDS GET DIRTY EVERY DAY! I don't mind skipping a bath now and then, if they're not filthy but tonight they were playing IN DIRT!

I know this is because he finds it tiresome to bath the kids. You have to watch them closely so they don't splash a bunch of water on the floor or try to drown each other. And then you have to wash their hair and dry them off and get them dressed and make help them brush their teeth...yeah, HUGE pain in the ass but it's part of the goddamn job.

Get over it already.

I need to get my thoughts off Twilight so I can concentrate on my next newspaper column.

I dreamed I had to play harmonica for Joe Biden in a 4th of July parade.

Where the fuck did THAT come from?

Her recaps are helping me work through my shame.

Thanks to evildeathchik for the icon.

Oh, god, ICONS ARE involved!

Straight up. I'm fan.

Time to jump back into a fandom face first.

( My initial thoughts and feelings on Twilight (book and film) )

So now I just have to wait for the special edition DVD so I can watch the commentary and read Full Moon--which is coming in the same Amazon order.